Today I listened to “Hiding Place” by John Michael Talbot. It’s been awhile since I sat and let the music wash over me.
Back when I was in college, this song brought comfort to me. I was living alone in a different state and struggling to come to terms with my feelings for someone. My relationship with God strengthened me and I seriously contemplated a life of missionary service.
My heart was in the right place as I meditated on this verse:
Also, I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send? And who will go for Us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.
– Isaiah 6:8 AMP
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Back then life was simple though at the time I would have disagreed. Yes or No were my choices and my decisions were quickly determined and immediately put into action. Oh, how I long for that to be the case now.
I guess that is what life does. The longer you live the more life you have to review when making decisions.
I sit here, typing, unsure whether I should publish. I pray asking for direction and confirmation.
I have a purpose, just like you, in this world. I’ve been fearful of stepping into that purpose so hide behind my screen and the cold words of instructional tutorials.
There, I said it. I’ve been sick for awhile now. I never really thought much of it as death is something I’ve sought for much of my life.
My husband and my boys are my gravity so self-inflicted death was put on the backburner yet the desire to pass out of this world is still strong. That is, until about 3-months ago.
The pain of my illness can be quite intense and the desire to “end it all” is so seductive. Yet, when my husband or boys comfort me I am brought down to earth and the realization that life is too precious.
This verse that was so much a part of my life when I was a young lady has reappeared in my consciousness. The words, “Here am I; Send ME” echo in my spirit.
“I’m afraid,” I say.
“There is no need, I am here. There is no fear in LOVE. I am LOVE. Rest in me.” I hear in return.
I want to believe, I really do, but life, it replays on the screen in my mind.
Where I’m heading I do not know. All I know is this moment, this 24-hour period that I’ve been blessed to breathe and move in is all I have. The words, “Here am I; Send Me.” calling out beckoning me to follow, even if only one crawl at a time.
Go in Love,
P.S. I don’t know you. I don’t know why you’ve landed on this page today, but I do know that the words you just read are for you. I feel it in my Spirit. Take them, meditate on them, and rest knowing that you are here and you are needed. #YouAreLoved